ZOMBIES:
SCARIEST: Return of the Living Dead II. Why is it the scariest? Two words: Tar Man (or maybe his name is one word, Tarman). Tarman has skin coming off his body in strips; his face is a blackened skull AND he can use tools, man. Forget the mindless masses- these z-boys and girls can TALK. They can also “smell your brains,” so forget about hiding. This is a mix of runners and rotters which I also find more realistic. Romero would disagree, but that’s okay, this isn’t one of his films.
This is the ONLY zombie movie I am genuinely afraid of.
BEST NEW: Tie. I love Shaun of the Dead because it pays tribute to Romero, is funny, and still a little creepy. I love Zombieland because it caters to the survivalist in all zombie-geeks. Both are fun rides and not scary—maybe that’s why I don’t love them enough to separate them. I repeat…not scary. :)
BEST CEREBRAL: Should I make a joke about a zombie movie with brains? Nah. Wouldn’t want people to think I’m cheesy. Ok-best cerebral zombie movie? Day of the Dead. (1985 version—the new one Is AWFUL) This movie explores the philosophy behind the breakdown of mankind, how science tries to explain things for no reason, and even hints at the US response to global conflict (AKA—Reaganism: which is, when shit gets tough, hide in a bunker then POOF! No more shit, right? Right?! RIGHT?!) PS: the creepy song you hear in Resident Evil the video game—it came from this movie. My favorite quote is by the Jamaican guy: “You want to put some kind of explanation on all this? Here's one as good as any other. We're bein' punished by the Creator. He visited a curse on us. Maybe He didn't want to see us blow ourselves up, put a big hole in the sky. Maybe He just wanted to show us He's still the Boss Man. Maybe He figure, we gettin' too big for our britches, tryin' to figure His shit out.”
RESPECT YOUR ELDERS: best old Zombie movie? Well—I have to cheat here. It is actually a remake of the original. The female character in the original is too annoying: Night of the Living Dead 1990 version. This is a remake of the 1960s original. My suggestion? Watch both, but watch the 90s version first. Oh, and if you have a copy of the 2006 one—the 3D one—I have a suggestion for that too. It involves tossing it in your fireplace. Yuck. Anyway- the 90s version has it all. Cheesy lines, bad escape attempts, and fun doomsday descriptions. The archetypal zombies are all there: Torso, Bride, Grownup + doll, child, naked person, person dressed in spiritual garb (ala the Hare Krishna zombie in Dawn of the Dead), crawlers, lurkers, and roamers.
BEST OF THE RUNNERS: So, there are two camps of zombies enthusiasts, runners vs rotters. (or as some call it: Shamblers vs Rage Zombies)Now, Romero, King of Zombies, dislikes the people in the “runners camp” calling themselves zombie-enthusiasts, because, as Romero points out, they aren’t dead. They are infected. They are not the embodiment of life and death combined. Still, the thought of hundreds of thousands of people infected with Eat-Your-Face-Off-Disease, is frightening. Number one? I am Legend. I know, I know—“They aren’t zombies—they’re vampires!” “ It is based off a short story about VAMPIRES!” “They can’t come out in the sun!” You know what I say to that? Shut up. They’re zombies. They are scary. They attack in packs; they are remnants of humans. They want to eat your face—or beat it in. They are NOT sexy and their only drive is to kill humans.
To satisfy the nay-sayers, I’ll add that 28 Days Later is also amazing. I’d give it 4.75 out of 5 stars and I am Legend, would get 4.95 stars. So, super-close. 28 Days has a great survivalist vibe. It pays homage to fun materialistic fantasy shopping scene from Dawn of the Dead while avoiding the frenetic mindlessness of 28 Weeks Later. 28 Days also has a nod to Day of the Dead with the evil military guy. The part with the crow dripping blood into the guy’s eye? Pure Zombie art.
Note: I’m not trying to leave out Dawn of the Dead (1978). It’s funny. It has a social commentary, obsession with materialism . It even opens with one of the greatest zombie lines ever: “When the dead walk, Señores; we must stop the killing, or lose the war.". I APPRECIATE this movie. I just don’t like it as much as the others. Sorry.
New Romero ? (Diary of the Dead, Island of the Dead, etc) No. Sadly, no.
No comments:
Post a Comment